It’s Been A Long Time Since New York City, It’s Been A Long Time Since 23 ( umm 24)

I’m just off a holiday with family that was the best.  I spent too many years in radio and retail to really know what normal was like when it comes to the holidays.  I got to enjoy family and friends, have real conversations, take in moments, and appreciate the little things.  I’ve thought about the little things quite a bit the past few years.  I’ve been trying to recapture them a little bit.  I’ve also been trying to think about them from my past.  I’m trying to remember some little things from my past that escaped me.  I wasn’t very good at 23 or 24 for that matter appreciating those little moments.  I knew they were happening, I made a mental note of them, but I didn’t always enjoy them.  I guess I was worried about being a music star, achieving what people thought I might not, playing the next show, or performing on the big radio stage.   I worked hard at it, I wanted to be the best, it was important to me.  Years later, I reflect upon 23 and 24, and I have a sense of accomplishment.  I achieved just about everything I ever wanted to in the world of music.  I was just talking to my mom about all the brides and grooms that I’ve seen married.  I get to see pictures of some of them with their kids, I hear about their anniversaries, and I have become friends with many on facebook.  I love facebook, so I can keep up with people.  It’s an intimate day, and with my most intimate thoughts, I’ll tell you that I will try and make it special.  The problem has been over the years, that I haven’t exactly found somebody that understands what I do, appreciates it, or appreciates me doing it.  People think that you will grow out of it, or they think you should, or they want you to.  I haven’t grown out of it yet, and it’s been a long time since 23.  I was playing music with my buddies from college, and man would we jam.  We jammed the back to the beaches, the fraternity and sorority parties, the bars, the room parties, the after parties, and oh yes those shadow parties.  It was kind of surreal really.  Things were moving so fast, I think my head might have actually been spinning.  I was spring breaking, meeting tons of people, and really living a musical dream with lots of young people around me to make memories.  I made tons of them, and soon I parlayed this into a full-time radio career, that I was just asked about in the Princeton Wal-Mart last night.  People seem to remember this stuff.  I guess you could say that I had an impact.  These people also had an impact on me, and I just wanted to enjoy the ride.  I did, and years later, I still get to jam with old friends, my brother and I rocked Broad Ripple last month, and I’ve played some of the biggest events that you could ever hope to be a part of.  I am humbled by the fact that I have gotten to be on the radio in Indianapolis.  People dream of this when they are kids.  They want to get the big city.  Sometimes I feel like I’m in the twilight of that, but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it.  One thing I wish I would have appreciated more at the age of 23ish, 24 was a person.  I never quite got to be on the same page with this girl, because I always thought she was going to leave.  She had big city dreams, she was as smart as they come, she had some swagga about her, and she was so very real.  I didn’t really know what to do with this girl, because I hadn’t met anybody like her.  Sometimes I don’t know if I’ve met anybody like her since.  But sometimes, I think I have, or see the beginnings of something like it.  The beginnings are so sweet, you appreciate every second, every smile, every word, every kiss, every date, every holiday, and every second that you wish you could capture.  You want to bottle up the beginning, contain it, and sprinkle it throughout your relationship.  How many of us get comfortable, and don’t remember the beginning.  I never forget it now, but I forgot it then.  I tried to remember it, and there were times I couldn’t remember it.  What was so important?  Why didn’t I take it in?  I’ve never really written about this before, but all I can tell you is I had a chance to make the wrong right.  I’ll never forget that Dec. 23rd.  It was a groundbreaking day in my life.  I sat stunned as I couldn’t quite process what had happened, but yet I got it.  It put me on a crusade to make some things right.  It made me aware of things I really needed to know and understand.  It has been a long time since 23 or 24 give or take, but I’ll never forget that look, those words, and that song.  I won’t share that song here, because I don’t want anybody else to have it.  It was such a powerful moment in my life, that I remember exactly where I was sitting, I remember exactly what I was doing, and I remember exactly how many times she said it played on her way to me.  She had to talk to me.  There was nothing that was going to stop her.  She would have seen me through a rainstorm, she would have driven through a blizzard, and there was nothing that was going to stop her from getting to me.  She went all in, and I have to think in 2010, that that is real love.  How many people really go in?  How many people are absolutely petrified of it?  How many people try to stop it?  The thing is if it’s real you can’t.  It will take you over.  You’ll think about it, you see that person in your dreams, their spirit will be with you, they’ll always be that angel on your shoulder.  You can try to push it away, and you might succeed, but you’ll think about it if you did.  It might come back to you on the most random of days many years later.  You won’t expect it, but it will be there, even if you tried to bury it, suppress it, or make it go away.  What came after this, and I mean right after was like a whirlwind.  Was it deja vu?  How could something like it have happened again?  What was so powerful about it, that it allowed this great moment at 24ish remain locked in my memory?  Most people would have thought that what came after was the one, but it wasn’t.  You might think I’m getting nostalgic, or I’m stuck in a time warp.  I’m not, I know what it was, I appreciate it for what it was, and I’m a bit sorry that I couldn’t be everything I needed to be at 23 or 24.  I remember that look, I remember those words, and they were so powerful, that I will never forget them.  The moral of the story is as a guy, you have to wake yourself up to the possibility.  I saw that look in the movie trailer of Love And Other Drugs.  Maggie and Jamie, it’s there, and I have a feeling that we haven’t seen chemistry like this in many movies before or since.  There’s something about these two, and there’s something about 23 or 24 that you might not realize until years later.  If you have a chance to do a do over for me, just remember to enjoy the moment, and the little things, because if you don’t, they will stick with you years later.  Oh, and I guess I should say in closing, that I know that this is possible again.  Some might call it too idealistic or “fairytaleish”, but if you don’t believe in being good, being patient, and being the best person you can be until it swings back around again, you’ve missed the most important little thing after all…

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